Funny school poems
Class Dismissed
by Bruce Lansky
We have broken all the blackboards
so the teachers cannot write.
We have painted all the toilets black
and all the lockers white.
We have torn up all the math books
and we've locked the school's front door.
There won't be school no more.
Glory, glory hallelujah!
School is closed now, what's it to ya?
There won't be no more homework
and there won't be no more tests.
There won't be school no more.
My Sister's Always on the Phone
by Bruce Lansky
My sister's always on the phone.
I never see her study.
She doesn't do her homework,
which is why her grades are cruddy.
My sister's always on the phone,
but I don't think that's cool.
My sister is so popular
she's flunking out of school.
Morning Announcements
by Sylvia Andrews
Good morning, Staff and Students,
take note of what I say.
In school we will have showers
for April starts today.
Some teachers were suspended
for giving too much work.
Today, if you feel lazy,
you'll be allowed to shirk.
We want to find the student
who brought a pig to school.
It is "running" down the hallways,
and that's against the rule.
Today on our lunch menu,
are bumblebees in sauce
or chopped cockroach sandwiches
and salad you can toss.
Next year we'll pay our students
for work they do in school...
...and if you believe these messages,
then you're an APRIL FOOL!
My Dog Chewed Up My Homework
by Bruce Lansky
I'm glad to say my homework's done.
I finished it last night.
I've got it right here in this box.
It's not a pretty sight.
My dog chewed up my homework.
He slobbered on it, too.
So now my homework's ripped to shreds
and full of slimy goo.
It isn't much to look at,
but I brought it anyway.
I'm going to dump it on your desk
if I don't get an A.
What I Found in My Desk
by Bruce Lansky
A ripe peach with a ugly bruise,
a pair of stinky tennis shoes,
a day-old ham-and-cheese on rye,
a swimsuit that I left to dry,
a pencil that glows in the dark,
some bubble gum found in the park,
a paper bag with cookie crumbs,
an old kazoo that barely hums,
a spelling test I almost failed,
a letter that I should have mailed,
and one more thing, I must confess,
a note from teacher: Clean This Mess!!!!
What to Remember in School
by Kenn Nesbitt
Forget that two times four is eight.
Forget the name of every state.
Forget the answers on the test.
Forget which way is east or west.
Forget the myths of ancient Rome.
Forget to bring your books from home.
Forget the words you learned to spell.
Forget to hear the recess bell.
Forget your homeroom teacher's name.
Forget the after-school game.
Forget which team's supposed to win.
Forget to turn your homework in.
Forget the distance to the moon.
Forget how many days in June.
Forget the capital of France.
But don't forget to wear your pants!
Too Busy
by Bruce Lansky
I've folded all my laundry
and put it in the drawer.
I've changed my linen, made my bed,
and swept my bedroom floor.
I've emptied out the garbage
and fixed tomorrow's lunch.
I've baked some cookies for dessert
and given Dad a munch.
I've searched the house for pencils
and sharpened every one.
There are so many things to do
when homework must be done.
There's a New Cook in the Cafeteria
by Bruce Lansky
Good Morning, staff and students.
We have a brand new cook.
And that's why our lunch menu
will have a brand new look.
To make a good impression,
our cook's prepared a treat:
your choice of snapping turtle soup
or deep-fried monkey meat.
If you're a vegetarian,
we have good news today:
she's serving pickled cauliflower
and jellyfish souffle.
And for dessert our cook has made
a recipe from France:
I'm sure you'll all want seconds--
of chocolate-covered ants.
I hope you like this gourmet feast.
I hope you won't complain.
But if you do we'll have to bring
our old cook back again.
Turn Off the TV!
by Bruce Lansky
My father gets quite mad at me;
my mother gets upset--
when they catch me watching
our new television set.
My father yells, "Turn that thing off!"
Mom says, "It's time to study."
I'd rather watch my favorite TV show
with my best buddy.
I sneak down after homework
and turn the set on low.
But when she sees me watching it,
my mom yells out, "No!"
Dad says, "If you don't turn it off,
I'll hang it from a tree!"
I rather doubt he'll do it,
'cause he watches more than me.
He watches sports all weekend,
and weekday evenings too,
while munching chips and pretzels--
the room looks like a zoo.
So if he ever got the nerve
to hang it from a tree,
he'd spend a lot of time up there--
watching it with me.
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